2015 is coming to a close. As I stand on the horizon of a new year, it means a lot of things to me. Thoughts and emotions run through my veins like floodwaters rushing through a pipeline from the mountains to the ocean. I look back on where I’ve been and then I look ahead to the possibilities of where I might go, not knowing for sure where the road will lead. It’s a scary and exciting place to be.
I’ve been through so much in my life it’s hard to wrap my mind around it sometimes. I read articles written by brave women who are willing to put their experiences out there for anyone to read and I relate to much of what they say. I, too have survived hardship, living in another country, interracial marriage, abuse, attacks, financial woes, struggles, childbirth, abortion, miscarriage, divorce, survival, college, death of loved ones, climbing a career ladder, raising teenagers (ongoing for a while now…), among other life events. To me, it seems par for the course called life.
Everyone has a story, right? Everyone has struggled.
I thought about writing a book. I’ve actually started it. Then I wonder, what makes my story so unique? Anyone could write a book and it would be interesting, different, people could relate to it…look at how many billions of books are out there! I think, for me, it would be personal satisfaction. An accomplishment of sorts. A need to express and release the floodgates to some extent. Maybe someone will read it. Maybe someone will relate to it and say that I, too am brave to tell my story. Maybe, just maybe it will inspire someone to leave their abusive husband, or to take a journey abroad, or to go back to college like I did.
I’ll keep working on it. I have so much to look forward to in 2016. I’m in a good place, probably the best in many, many, many years. It’s taken the three years since my divorce to feel comfortable being alone. I’m not voraciously searching for the love of my life anymore, but rather focusing on myself and my kids for once. Their well-being has always been my focus, but my attention is different. If a man does appear in my life, he must be worthy of my love and it has to be a good fit for all of us, not just him and not just me. I’ve made many mistakes in the past that I refuse to repeat.
Looking back, I would do so much differently. A friend recently told me that “the time to do things differently is NOW“. That is the lesson I’ve learned.
Here’s to 2016 and a brighter future!
Happy New Year!