why not?

Why not dance again? 

I have no good reason not to. I’m 43.

I grew up dancing.  From the time I was about 5 years old, I had ballet shoes, tights and leotards on.  After school, it was off to ballet class.  Weekends were rehearsal times for upcoming performances.  At age 10 (or so) I was Alice in Alice in Wonderland!  I was a lost boy in Peter Pan!  I danced the jitterbug, the Messiah, and many other ballets.  I don’t remember a time in my childhood when I didn’t dance.  Once I discovered modern (contemporary) dance, I was sold!  I never had a ballerina body anyway…too curvy!  Modern dance allowed me to express myself.  I found freedom in movement and the stage was my second home.

1me_and_mom 1975Mom and me – 1975

Once I started having kids, I had to quit dancing.  I was consumed with raising my babies, and just simply making ends meet.  My ex-husband didn’t encourage me.  He wasn’t supportive of anything I wanted to do.  Taking dance classes can get very expensive and all of my resources went to providing for my family.  It was what it was…

mom_Dan

Mom and her dance partner. Not sure what year.

My beloved mother (R.I.P) was a gorgeous dancer.  She is, and always was, my inspiration.  Last year, after 25 years of being away from the dance world, I was invited back to perform with the company my mother co-founded over 25 years ago and not only that, to learn a dance my mom choreographed and performed back in 1999.  I had to learn it from watching a video recording less than a year after losing her battle with breast cancer.  It was probably the hardest thing I could do, but I knew I had to do it.  I had to do it for mom.  Many tears were shed, but I was proud of myself and I know she was dancing in heaven.  I felt her close to me and I know she was very proud.

Mom_dancing1

Once again, I’ve been invited to perform in the Spring concert with the same dance company.  I’m ecstatic because the choreographer is someone I knew as a child (a 19 year old child) and he was my absolute favorite teacher when I attended the college of the arts.  I feel as if I’m living her legacy.  I’m continuing to dance just as my mom always wanted me to and as she always did.  She never stopped dancing, not until she couldn’t physically dance anymore.  If I could turn back time, I would have started dancing again much earlier.  Actually, I never would have stopped.  I would have danced with my mom again, just like I did when I was growing up.  She always wanted to see me dance again.

I’m realizing it’s possible for me to dance. 

Why not?  I have no good reason not to.  I’m 43.Shelter2This is me. Dancing.

2014

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a Thursday Quotable…

In my explorations of the blogging world, I stumbled upon a wonderful blog called Bookshelf Fantasies.  I was poking around and read her recent Thursday Quotable from a book called, Isla and the Happily Ever After by Stephanie Perkins.

I thought, hmmmm…I’ll have to check it out.  It’s all about the feeling of falling in love for the first time.  Right up my alley!

Then, when I got to the end I noticed she put up an idea for an activity to post a quote from a book on my own blog…what a great way to share and make your blog interactive!  So, thank you Lisa, for this great idea!

Now for MY Thursday Quotable:

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions.  Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too can become great.”

Mark Twain

Leadership:  Inspirational Quotes To Create A Wise Leader

by The Quote Well Books (2014)

leadershipbook

It’s very true that people will try to belittle you, your dreams, your goals, and your ambitions in life.  If we don’t notice it, we might take it to heart.  So, this quote is a reminder to surround yourself with the people who truly believe in you and for you to also believe in yourself.  Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do something or that you will never succeed.  Sometimes success is the best revenge!

Carpé Diem!

Bookshelf Fantasies
Bookshelf Fantasies
If you’d like to participate in Thursday Quotables, it’s really simple:
  • Write a Thursday Quotables post on your blog. Try to pick something from whatever you’re reading now. And please be sure to include a link back to Bookshelf Fantasies in your post (http://www.bookshelffantasies.com), if you’d be so kind!
  • Leave your link in the comments — or, if you have a quote to share but not a blog post, you can leave your quote in the comments too!
  • Visit other linked blogs to view their Thursday Quotables, and have fun!

for the last time…

sailboats sailboat

For the last time, I made the journey across the water by ferry.  It was early in the morning, early for a Saturday, and the fog was rolling in off the Puget Sound.  As I sat and looked out across the water, I reflected on my day ahead.  Tears welled up in my eyes.  For the last time I would step foot inside my mothers home.  Memories of Thanksgiving dinners, weekend getaways, cooking dinner and watching musicals with the kids while my mom and I sang loudly out of tune, causing the kids to laugh and roll their eyes.  For the last time, I would walk through the home that she had made so peaceful and beautiful.  Her art work and interior decorations boxed up and packed away for me to bring back home.  I will be surrounded by her things in my own home from now on.  Things she made, things she sewed, things she painted…my walls and windows adorned…gorgeous throw pillows and antique foot stools made into art with the attention to detail of a perfectionist.

She was a beautiful woman; talented, cheerful, creative, amazing, artistic…In fact, she lived and breathed art.  Everything she did and touched was artful and had meaning.  Everything from the clothes she designed, altered or found at the local thrift shop, to her home decor that she either made from scratch, re-upholstered, re-purposed, or re-cycled, to the art she hung on her walls that she either created/painted herself, re-painted an old piece, re-framed, or fashioned out of fabric and Mod Podge, to her beautiful choreography of dance. Or how about the fact that she took an ugly, average re-usable grocery store bag and added colorful fabric panels on either side with a unique button!!  I use them all the time for my shopping…always thinking of her and how amazingly creative she was!  She made mundane things, artful and beautiful!

It’s been almost a year and a half since mom passed from cancer.  She wasn’t ready to go and we were not ready to let her go.  But go she must. Her body was taken over by something silent, invisible (at least from the outside), and evil.  Definitely evil.  She was 62.  It was the night after her grand daughters 8th birthday, a week before Mother’s Day, and three weeks before what would have been her 63rd birthday.  May is a hard month now. I will always be hard.

It was May Day 2013.

dandelions

One of my earliest childhood memories is of making May Day baskets out of construction paper, picking blue-bells and dandelions from the yard (yes, the ones people consider weeds) and putting them on my front door-knob, knocking on the door, and running away to hide and wait until she answered the door.  Maybe it’s apropos she passed on May Day, the day she answered Heaven’s door.  I’m sure God had flowers for her.

I will always remember her.  She touched so many people and was filled with Joy.  That was her middle name after all, Joy. And that’s just who she was…

R.I.P. mom.  I have all the beautiful things you made surrounding me and the kids now.

Your energy, love and light protect us.

We will always miss you…

memorialphoto

always remember…

“Leap and the net will appear”

leap_and_the_net_will_appear

This very quote has seen me through some rough times in my life.  Times of uncertainty.  Times of confusion.  Times of fear and anguish…anxiety…depression.

My good friend and colleague, whom I’m blessed to have met and come to know, gave me this quote when I was at an all-time low.  I was going through a tormenting divorce, worried for my kids’ well-being/mental health/happiness – as well as my own, and facing some serious, life-changing decisions.

This quote, to me, means that you must have hope.  You must have faith that every condition is temporary.  No matter how hard things are, how miserable you feel and how everything seems to be going down a black hole, it’s not a permanent condition.  If you leap, the net will appear.  You have angels; in Heaven and on this Earth who are there for you.  You have people who love you and will support you no matter how alone you feel.

Leap, and the net will appear.

Just repeat that mantra over and over in your mind.  Focus on what you want, not what is making you miserable.  Take chances toward a better existence – toward happiness – even if you don’t know what that feels like right now.  It’s sometimes hard to imagine, but it does exist and it can manifest for you.

Leap, and the net will appear.

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Heaven…and…The Kiss

Blogging 101 Prompt: 

If you could paint your current mood onto a canvas, what would that painting look like?

What would it depict?

Answer:  The Kiss

GustavKlimt-TheKiss

For whatever reason, I can never remember this artists name.  I always need to enter these words into my Google search box:  painter who paints with gold.  This painting has appeared to me a few times and every time I’m drawn to it…it’s just so full of passion and beauty.  Creating this post and dedicating it to Gustav Klimt will forever embed his name in my memory and there will be no future need to Google it again.  Whew!

I could never paint this myself, but if I could paint my current mood (or sentiment) onto a canvas I would do it like Gustav (I love that name, by the way!)  I would paint myself shrouded in a golden quilt, my lover pressed up next to me, with the promise to hold me forever…

…and I would call it…Heaven.

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